Spring Awakening 2019

I've done a "spring awakening" post every year for the last few years because I love talking about spring and possibility it brings for both physical and theoretical growth and love tracking the for sure or possible changes this season or year will bring.

It was wild looking back on my post from last year. There were so many things I didn't know would happen during that time of year or throughout the rest of the year for that matter. 

I think I'm in a season of life that not only embracing growth but enjoying it rather than bracing myself for big sweeping changes that are to come. I think we did a lot of that last year. Now it's time to to enjoy and simply live.

I can't think of any big change (or even small one) that's going to come in this season (except, fingers crossed, getting a new car but that's boring), so I'd rather reflect on the the big sweeping ones that have evolved since last spring.

// Last spring did bring us a house. And boy has it been a journey. I love our house more every day which continues to be a relief after spending the beginning of that transitional period in a lonely and confused place. It smells differently depending on the season, the living room gets the best light in the afternoon, the ice machine is loud, the floors are real and grainy and sturdy, and when you stand in our yard at night you can see the stars perfectly. It's turned out to be the best place for us to start out and I will always love it.

// We sure did get our dog. But he's a he and not a she like I predicted. And I certainly can't imagine having any dog other than our Henry. He's a nut who still very much has that puppy brain inside a not-so-puppy sized body. He still thinks ice cubes are treats, can only tolerate baths for so long, loves being outside, and only wants to seriously cuddle if he's very, very tired. Our days are never boring with him.

// I spent a lot of last year, especially the early part, being careful not to mention the word "engaged" or "engagement" to anyone just in case it didn't happen. I think I've been pretty clear (on here and in real life) in my feelings about marriage. I truly would have been very happy with the house, dog, and kids. Marriage was never high on the list. Yeah, I'll blame my parents divorce on that one ;) So while I anticipated a proposal as being a big change, I didn't put a lot of stock into the idea. But it happened. And it's been a rollercoaster. And now I have a book about marriage on my nightstand. So I guess you can add it to the list of things I'm very happy about it. After the house, dog, and kids.

// One of the changes I prayed and hoped for so much, especially this time last year, was a job change. I was so desperate to get out of a toxic environment and would go through moments of confusion and disappointment and exhaustion over the job search process. I had several prospects and even a few interviews that ultimately ended in silence or flat out rejection. I was lucky to land an internship during undergrad that resulted in working for some of the best female bosses ever, who gave me opportunity after opportunity even after they moved on and were no longer my boss. It was a former boss who introduced me to my current, the woman who truly changed my life last year (no kidding, in typical dramatic Alex fashion I wrote those exact words in my Christmas card to her haha). And I really believe that. She changed my life. I had a huge amount of big changes happen last year, but getting the job I currently have feels like the most substantial change in many ways. I went from having palpable anxiety every day, dreading going into work, to completely eliminating that anxiety, "Sunday Scaries" no more. I have the opportunity to work on the best children's books with the best coworkers. I even get to use my writing muscle daily. I learn something and am inspired every day. It's been the biggest blessing.

There have been a lot of other "little" changes that have happened since last spring, of course. Just like with every year before, certain aspects are different. But it's also been nice to see some of that slow. There seemed to be a "big" life change every two months or so since last spring and it's been really great to enter 2019 and just live. Just enjoy all those changes and how their impact have impacted other aspects of life.

In this season I'm excited to live life by reaping the benefits of these changes. To celebrate one year in our home, to take Henry to the beach in the summer and sit on the patio with him on warm nights, to slowly plan our wedding, to enjoy being engaged, to plan trips, to celebrate things and people.

In the past, I've ended these posts talking about sheets. That go on your bed. Like a dork. But that's how I've physically welcomed spring, by stripping my bed of its flannel sheets and replacing it with a colorful jersey set. One year I even thought about buying a new white set because white felt cleansing to me. 

Turns out, spring is marked, physically and metaphorically, in many ways. I didn't swap our sheets out this year. It didn't really occur to me to do so. Because we keep a set of white jersey sheets on our bed all year long.

Happy spring, all. We made it.

Spring To-Do List

Endlessly inspired by Emily Schuman, I decided come up with a spring to-do list after reading hers earlier this week.

Mine won't sounds exactly like Emily's, {if only my to-do list consisted of planning a girls weekend to Palm Springs and going wine tasting in Santa Barbara} but I will be adopting one or two items like better meal planning. Ah, and if only I, too, could find a vintage pair of Levi's. 

On to the to-dos! 

// watch a science documentary each week

// spend my Trader Joe's gift card on nourishing food

// try new combinations with my essential oils

// attend a workshop on {or practice at home} yoga nidra 

// read a significant chunk of a book each week 

// oven roast a new vegetable each week in large batches

// "spring clean" a different section of my room each week 

// keep flowers on my {new!} desk throughout the season

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With this to-do list I was trying to rid my mind of all the mundane and seemingly obvious tasks that clutter my "every day" to-do list. I'm not going to forget to pay my credit card off {actually a huge goal for me as summer rolls around}, or do my homework, or make strides at work, so I didn't feel it necessary to include them on this list. This was intended to be seasonally specific and fun. & now I'm looking even more toward this new season {quickly!} approaching. 

xo

{Linking up with loveliest ladies April and Andrea}

Spring Awakening

We're a few weeks out from spring. It feels much like an awakening, like a fresh start. I feel the way most do about new year's when spring rolls around. It feels like a rebirth. I remember feeling this way last year around this time. I think I wrote a post about it after not blogging for a few months because I let the stress of the colder months get to me as I did this year. But I couldn't be more excited for this spring. This spring is going to be so good.

Many days this winter were spent just trying to get by. The weather got to me, the stress of balancing work and school with family, friends, and a boyfriend who's only home on the weekends got to me. Even the stress of feeling like I was complaining too much about my life {which is such a lovely life especially in comparison to the true adversity others deal with} got to me because I would feel guilty but still felt like I had no where for the negative energy to go. 

I wanted to write a post where I could lay out my plans for spring. It helps maintain the excitement for what I hope is to come. Here are some exciting changes coming up:

// A new schedule 

I will be switching days when I have class and when I work so there will be "class days" and "work days" and I couldn't be more excited to not have to split my focus between work and school in the same 24 hours. 

With a new schedule comes all the possibilities for things I want to do to actually work. Like going to the gym, meal planning, writing, etc. With my days being so long I can only squeeze twenty minutes out to go to the gym. I can't keep lunches and healthy snacks cold {or hot} long enough to last me until dinner time which means I end up spending unnecessary money on meals near school because it's convenient and because I don't usually have the space in my already huge tote bag for anything more. I also don't have spare time to dedicate to meal planning and cooking like I would love to do. And writing for fun or for my own benefit? Forget it. After work and writing pieces for assignments in class I'm burned out. 

I can't wait to get into a routine where there will be more time available for me to do all these things. I'm being offered more hours at work which I can take on once winter quarter is over at school. I can have more face time in the office and spend more time in the gym after work {I use the gym in our building}. I can come home and have dinner with my family and actually see them. I'll even have more time to fit in some spontaneous writing, cooking, and reading. 

I'm a control freak and not having the realistic opportunity to organize my life and time in the way I would like to often drives me crazy and is the route of some of my stress so can I say it again? I.cant.wait.for.more.time.

// New space at work

A construction team is currently hammering away at the new space next door to our current office. My department will be moving into that space by the first week in April *fingers crossed*. This has been an on going conversation since October or November so we're all thrilled to finally get in there and make it our own. 

Part of the renovations have stemmed from needing more space to facilitate the expansion our company wants to make. There are going to be new hires within each department in the next year so we need more room for new faces! I currently sit in the back room/library because there wasn't a desk ready for me and because they knew a new space was on the horizon. But that means I don't currently have my own desk or computer {currently using a backup laptop}, so having my own space is going to be so, so good. I'm hoping to do a silly little "desk reveal" when I get everything the way I want it. I can't wait to decorate it for each season/holiday ;) 

{hoping I can add a lot of white with black and gold accents to my new space}

// Sammy updates

This spring will certainly bring many changes for Sammy's professional career. He's either destined to stay on the course he's currently on or he may be forced with a decision that could change everything he {and I} has been planning for. I'm behind him 100% either way but I would be lying if I said I wasn't secretly pining for one course over the other ;) Life is so good with him and I know whichever journey he takes will be for a reason and we'll make the best of it. 

{come on now. just one the loveliest sentiments}

This year has meant a lot of changes {good and bad} for myself and my family and I hope spring will allow for more understanding and acclimating to all those changes. I hope to come away with more peace about life and let go of the toxicity I let fester this winter.

In no way do I want this post to sound like I'm unappreciative for anything in my life. Even on the worst days I don't feel entitled to a new desk {as a new employee with hardly any experience I should have to work harder and prove myself} or an "easy" schedule {I'm entirely blessed to be a graduate student at such a wonderful university} or more free time {free time is the definition of luxury in my opinion and no one has enough of it so why should I?}. I've just spent the last two years in what has felt like a race to constantly keep everything together and this winter was the culmination of a lot of exhaustion, so even though I do not, in anyway, want to indulge myself in the notion of entitlement I'm just so taken with the idea of these changes finally surfacing. 

Google is telling me the first official day of spring is March 20th, but I started my celebrating on March 1st by swapping my flannel gray and white evergreen tree sheets for a solid turquoise jersey set. Maybe on the 20th I'll buy the all white set I saw at Target recently {something about white always seems so cleansing to me}. I usually throw on an old floral set I still have from my dorm days. They don't fit on my bed anymore but I love how the print looks like it's been painted right on the sheets. It reminds me of spring and growth. But then I think about what Miranda Priestly would say if she ever saw my bed: "Florals? For spring? Groundbreaking." So, I'll stick to white for now. It contains all the colors after all.
All the possibilities. 

xo

Spring Cleaning

Hello, people! It's been a long time. 

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It felt like a very long winter this year and it hit me really hard. It took a lot out of me to do the simplest things and after winter break it felt very taxing to get back into my daily routine. That was until... the snow started to melt. Typically, I'm a fan of snow. A large fan, in fact. But after a while, when it ends up icing over and turning gray, I've had enough. The second brown grass started peaking through the white patches, and the sun stayed out longer, I started to feel better almost immediately. Unfortunately, along with some other things I love in my life, this blog started to feel obligatory which is not at all how I want it to feel so I knew I needed to take a break but now I'm back! Some serious spring cleaning has to be done over here on this little blog of mine and then I'll be back to write about things I actually want to write about and remember years from now.  I just wanted to stop by and say hi, for anyone who is still out there. I thought this little pin I found was so appropriate as I've been trying to remember that no matter how dark, exhausting, stressful, bitter the days may be... light will always come.  I'll be back!